The Cats in Boots
by AngelFace273
Summary: The Cat Bureau receives a client who may or may not be considered a friend. Part of The Cat Bureau Cases series
This took longer than it should have, but I'm just glad I managed to finish it. This is about the fairy tale "Puss in Boots", but the characterization of Puss is from the Shrek series. The Zorro-type Puss is just too good, and too iconic, to not use. That being said, there is no actual connection to Shrek beyond Puss' personality. I hope you enjoy!

Cross-posted on AO3 under AngelFace273

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 _If you find yourself troubled by something mysterious, or a problem that's hard to solve, there's a place you can go where you will always find help; you just need to look for it. You see, it is a place that stands alongside time and somewhat outside of it, hidden such that it is in plain sight and buried within a labyrinth. To find it requires a special sort of guide._

 _This place is called The Cat Bureau. Those who wish for aid or advice find their way here, if they can discover the path._

 _It is here that our story begins._

* * *

Baron Humbert von Gikkingen was helping his wife Haru with re-shelving some of the books they both had a habit of leaving lying around the Cat Bureau, smiling gently as he listened to her chatter happily. She was on the ladder putting the books back and talking about the brunch she'd last had with her friend Hiromi, while Baron handled moving the ladder and handing her the books from his desk. The Creation thought he'd never tire of listening to her voice, so warm and happy.

"Mail call!" They both turned to see Muta coming through the door, holding up a few envelopes in one paw. Baron eyed them curiously – they didn't often get mail beyond the large white cat's daily newspaper, as clients normally came in person, and any friends preferred to call instead. He walked around the desk to collect the mail from Muta, and proceeded to open them as Haru climbed down the ladder. As he scanned through the first letter, his wife hopped up on the desk in order to read over his shoulder curiously, and he bit back a smile.

"Hmm, it appears that Howl is engaged."

"Seriously?" Muta snorted from the cupboard, pausing in his rummaging in order to glance at his employer incredulously. "I never thought he'd wanna stick around any girl longer than a few days."

"Who's Howl?" Haru asked, looking between the two cats.

"A wizard, and an acquaintance of ours. He is also a notorious heartbreaker," Baron replied absently as he began opening the next letter. He privately agreed with Muta, but he'd keep his opinion to himself. Needless to say, he would be interested to meet the girl who could capture the wizard's heart.

"Here is Lady Yubaba's annual invitation to her bathhouse, so nothing new, and this last one…" He raised a brow as he opened the last envelope to only find a small folded paper inside. When he unfolded it, all there was written was a single sharp, angular letter: 'P'.

"Looks like we'll be getting a visit from Puss soon," he sighed, and Muta grinned wickedly from his seat on the couch.

"Oh, this'll be good." He snickered. Baron felt his wife rest her chin on his shoulder, her arms wrapping around his waist.

"Should I be worried?" He leaned into Haru's embrace with a light purr, before answering "It's nothing. He's another acquaintance of ours, who prefers to be known as The Puss in Boots. He's an…interesting character."

Muta snorted. "He usually gets on Baron's nerve. He always gets twitchy when Puss is around."

"He's not a bad fellow," The ginger cat assured Haru as he turned in her arms in order to look at her, wrapping his own arm around her waist. "Puss is just a bit of a wildcard. He prefers to do things his own way. I thought he retired though," he added thoughtfully.

"I guess something came up," Haru offered. "What did he do before he retired?"

"Anything I wished, _señorita_."

Everyone jumped, and Baron braced himself in front of Haru, wishing his cane wasn't on the other side of the room, before he fully registered the figure leaning against the fireplace. It was an orange tabby cat, his wicked green eyes peering up from underneath a black broad-brimmed hat with a yellow feather. One sharp claw twirled his whiskers around like a mustache, a black belt around his waist held a rapier in place, and his hind legs were shod in black leather boots.

Baron sighed and relaxed, straightening his waistcoat. "Hello Puss."

" _Buenas noches_ , Baron." The Puss in Boots swept his hat off behind him in a theatrical bow. "Pardon my sudden intrusion, but I could not resist the temptation. I did send my calling card ahead."

Baron's ears twitched, but beyond that there was no outward sign of his irritation that Puss's pechance for mischief came at the cost of startling him. "Yes, we received it. Tea?"

"Please." As Baron stalked over to the cabinet for the tea things, he noticed Muta watching their guest with eager expectation, and he caught the white cat's eye with a cocked brow. He merely gave a tiny shake of his hand. From Puss they heard a suave "I believe we have not been introduced yet, _señorita_ ," and suddenly Baron knew why Muta looked like he ate the cream.

The other ginger cat had removed his hat with a flourish, and was bowing over the hand of a bemused Haru. "I am the infamous Puss in Boots. Perhaps you have heard of me?"

"No, not really." His whiskers twitched, but he was clearly determined to soldier on.

"Well then, if I could know the name of an angel such as yourself, perhaps we can become more… _acquainted_." With a low purr, Puss tried to press a kiss to her knuckles, but Haru firmly reclaimed her hand with an innocent smile.

"My name is Haru, and any friend of my husband's is already a friend of mine." She tucked her hair behind her ear, subtly drawing attention to the ring on her finger, and Baron fought the urge to purr at Puss' disappointment. "You know," Haru commented, "I thought you were supposed to wait for a calling card to be accepted before showing up."

Puss' whiskers twitched again, but he attempted to cover it by pouring himself into a chair, giving her an indulgent grin. "But I told you _señora_ , I do anything I wish."

"It's still rude though, especially since you've come to us for help." Muta looked practically gleeful at the two, and Baron was admittedly taking a great deal of satisfaction himself out of how Puss was struggling to regain control of the situation.

"Whoever said I came for help? Perhaps I've merely come to visit an old friend." Haru shook her head and crossed her arms.

"Then it's even more rude. What if Baron had been busy? Or away on a case? You can't expect him to drop everything for an unexpected social call, not when people need his help. So either you're here as a client, or you're being a bad friend." Muta was visibly holding in laughter, and Baron finally decided to take pity on Puss' discomfort.

"Exactly why are you here Puss? Last I heard you had retired." He handed his guest his tea, who took it with a relieved expression at the change of subject, then stood next to his wife with their own cups of tea. Haru gave him a mischievous smile, and Baron affectionately brushed his tail against her leg.

"You heard correctly, my friend," Puss cleared his throat, and took a small sip of tea. "I went to live with an old acquaintance of mine, who had chosen to settle down and run a milling business. To his family I was merely the housecat, and I admit that it was a nice change of pace. But, sad to say, he passed away not too long ago, and one of his last requests was for me to look after his youngest son."

"My condolences," Baron said, feeling Haru lean against his side in comfort. "Are you here for help on the son's behalf?"

"Of a sorts," Puss snorted lightly and took another drink. "He is enamored with the Princess Elisetta, and I have decided to partake in one last adventure to help him win her heart and hand. There are some problems however."

Puss finished off his tea and set the cup and saucer on the table, leaning back with a sigh. "I will be frank – Cagliuso is a good lad, but he is as dense as a stone. It would be all up to me to carry out my plans. I am, however, out of practice, and I am unsure whether I can pull this off on my own. Therefore, _mi amigo_ , I desire your assistance."

Baron shook his head fondly – for all that Puss frequently drove him crazy, his heart was definitely in the right place. "Of course my friend," Baron smiled. "I am at your disposal."

"You really want to put an idiot on a throne?" Muta interjected. "Seems kinda stupid to me. And what if they don't even like each other?"

"Why Muta," Puss purred at him, propping his chin on his paw. "I did not know you cared so much." The white cat humphed, and Puss waved a paw with a smug grin. "I am still capable of completing some reconnaissance. If they wed, my boy would be the Consort to her Queen, and Her Highness is wise and clever enough for the both of them – therefore, the kingdom is secure in that regard. And as for the match, where do you think he fell in love in the first place? The Princess was allowed peasant playmates as a child, and they were quite close. I also took the liberty to approach the Princess myself. She is certainly not opposed to marrying a dear childhood sweetheart."

"So why can't he just ask her?" Haru cocked her head in curiosity. "If they both want to-"

"Ah, it is her father that is the problem," the ginger cat flicked his tail. "The King will not accept anything less for his daughter than a title and a good deal of money, and will not hear any disputes. Therefore, we must make him believe that is what Cagliuso has."

Puss stood from his chair and met Baron's eyes. His stance was as relaxed and nonchalant as always, but there was a seriousness in his gaze that took Baron somewhat by surprise. "So Baron, you have heard my story, and the particulars. What do you say? Will you help an old friend?"

Baron smiled warmly. "As I said Puss, I am at your service. Do you have a plan yet?"

Immediately, though there was some gratitude, wicked mischief returned to Puss' face, and Baron almost regretted his decision. "Perhaps, _amigo_ , perhaps." Puss grinned. "How do you feel about ogres?"

* * *

I hope you enjoyed reading! I'd appreciate it if you left a review below with any questions/opinions/critiques. Again, I plan to write more cases like this, so if you have any ideas for me, I'd gladly welcome it. Bye!


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